How to spot and avoid romance scams

Romance scams are a form of fraud that can lead to financial loss and emotional distress. Understanding how they work, spotting red flags, and knowing how to protect yourself.

What is a romance scam?

Romance scams happen when victims are deceived into ‘false’ relationships by fraudsters who aim to steal their money or personal information.

Scammers often use fake online profiles, carefully building trust over time. They’ll then make emotional or urgent financial requests, such as claiming they need money for things like medical bills or travel costs to meet in person.

What are the signs of a romance scammer?

Romance scammers or fraudsters are skilled at creating convincing stories to manipulate victims. While their tactics may vary, there are common red flags to watch out for if you suspect a romance scam:

• They push for private conversations: Scammers prefer to move communications away from dating websites. They may suggest that you move to instant messaging, whatapp, text or phone calls instead.
• They ask a lot of personal questions about you: Fraudsters will try to gather details about your life while revealing very little about themselves.
• Their backstory doesn’t add up: Their details may be inconsistent, or they may claim impressive credentials - such as being highly educated - yet have poor grammar and spelling., 
• They try to establish a bond quickly: Scammers often use flattery, pet names, or exaggerated claims of love from the start to build trust and emotional dependence.
• They ask for financial help: They might hint at money problems early on, hoping you’ll offer to help. Or, they may ask outright for funds, claiming it’s for medical bills, emergencies, or travel.
• They always have an excuse to avoid meeting in person:  Despite promises to visit, they frequently cancel plans, often citing financial difficulties or sudden emergencies.
• Their profile photos seem suspicious: A reverse image search of their pictures may reveal they belong to someone else, exposing their fake identity.

What are some common romance scammer phrases?

Scammers sometimes use carefully chosen words to manipulate emotions and build trust. These phrases may seem sincere, but they’re often red flags for deception.

“I’ve never felt this way before”

Scammers create instant emotional connections to fast-track trust. Genuine relationships take time to develop, so beware of exaggerated declarations early on.

“Trust me”

A common tactic to silence doubts. If someone insists you trust them without offering proof, take a step back and question their motives.

“I need your help”

Scammers use vague distress signals to pull at your emotions. They often hesitate at first, making their plea seem more believable before asking for money.

“I can’t video call right now”

Excuses like a broken camera or bad internet often mean they’re hiding their real identity. If they repeatedly dodge video calls, it’s a major red flag.

“Something came up”

Frequent last-minute cancellations and vague explanations often mean they’re avoiding in-person meetings. If they keep delaying plans, they may not be who they claim.

Recognising these phrases can help you spot a romance scam before it’s too late.

How to protect yourself from being scammed

Dating websites and apps can be useful tools for meeting someone new. It’s wise, though, to be careful when communicating with potential romantic interests.

Here are some things which may help you avoid being scammed:

Don’t share personal details

Be mindful of the information you share with someone you’ve just met online. Avoid giving out your full name, home address, or date of birth, as scammers can use these details for fraud.

Even seemingly harmless details - like your workplace or daily routines - can be exploited. You should also be careful when picking your user name on dating websites – don’t include personal information like your location, like ‘JaneFromLondon’.

Don’t send or receive money

Do not send or receive money from anyone you’ve met online, no matter how convincing their story is. This applies to cash as well as transferring money via bank account.

If the request is coming from someone you think you know, check with them offline to ensure that it’s really them.

Use trusted dating websites

Fraudsters tend to want to take their criminal activity off reputable dating websites as soon as possible. They’re likely to try to convince you to interact with them via social media or text/whatsapp messaging. This is so that the dating website has no proof of them asking you for money.

If you’re in touch with someone on this type of website, communicate with them through the site’s messaging services until you have met them in person

Think twice before using your webcam or sharing photos

Be careful when using your webcam or sharing photos with a new online love interest, even if it’s someone whom you think you know. The footage could be used against you. This applies to cameras on all devices, from computers and laptops to smartphones and tablets.

Verify Profile Photos and Stories

Scammers often use stolen profile pictures. To check if an image has been used elsewhere, do a reverse image search on a search engine. If the same picture appears on multiple profiles with different names, it’s likely a scam.

Talk to Family or Friends

If you’re unsure about someone you’ve met online, seek advice from a trusted friend or family member. They may notice red flags you haven’t spotted, helping you avoid a costly mistake.

Trust your instincts

If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Scammers use emotional manipulation to make their requests seem reasonable, but if someone’s behaviour raises concerns, take a step back.

How to report a romance scam

If you believe you’ve been targeted by a romance or dating scam, don’t hesitate to take action. Reporting these scams helps prevent others from falling victim. You can report fake dating profiles to the websites that they’re posted on. This will help the sites to close down any fraudulent accounts. If you’ve sent money or shared sensitive financial information, contact your bank immediately. They may be able to stop transactions or advise on the next steps.

You can also report the fraud confidentially to Action Fraud via their online form or by calling them on 0300 123 2040. If you're in Scotland, contact Police Scotland at 101.